over and out.

school has just been in session for three weeks and im about to break down. two breakdowns in two weeks? so ridiculous.
it seems like a vicious cycle that all of us children must submit ourselves to. work then eat then sleep then work then eat then sleep and orange blinking boxes with little yellow men become our only comfort; our only familiarity until we must turn back to reading about imaginary numbers that don’t exist yet truly exist because we can define them.
sometimes it seems like life is an imaginary number, almost nonexistant but we know it definitely exists.
im so apathetic towards all that goes on right now. i barely care that im muffled with homework from 2:47 to 12:13 every day, i barely care that the amount of sleep i get is insignificant compared to the hours i spend doing homework, and i barely care that the three hours of work i put into something can turn out to be just a measly ‘C’.
so why care.
it’s like we’ve been sucked into this vortex where all society knows is ‘work’ and ’success’ and ‘discipline’. no one knows how to ‘live’. since when have my guilty pleasures consisted of reading novels and eating croissants? how about never.
schoolwork put aside though.
where is the rationale that parents are right no matter what. why can’t a child question their mother or father’s action with being reprimanded? isn’t it our right to understand why our parents treat us the way they do and receive a legitimate answer then rightfully state their point of view.
i have spent many dinners trying to explain basic common courtesy to my parents, and i left those dinners fuming and hungry. i don’t understand why you’d force your child to go to church two times a week at the exact same times every single week, and then proceed to punish them if they didn’t. religion, first of all, is a voluntary belief in something, and though should be important in life, shouldn’t rule over a child’s health or business factor. i had to go to church for those two days in one week, manipulating 6-7 hours of my time, listening to a preacher preach about finances (irrelevant much?) and watch little eighth graders slap eachother in the ass. if i go to church, i go because i need sanctuary, because i need relief, because i want to–not because i am forced. often i have gone to church and wondered what the hell i was doing there when i was nursing a 101 fever or desperate to study for finals or about to faint from an accumulated 6 hours of sleep in one week. parents don’t expect their children to submit to these requirements when they can barely function on a day-to-day basis. sure you can always refute “it’s good for you!”, but is it really good to see me wilted 24/7 and about to pass out? maybe it’s amusing for her.
now social-wise.
what kind of a friend tells you continuously you are indeed her best friend, yet

a) lies to you about once every day
b) constantly tries to uphold her self as the better one of you two
c) takes up the freedom of telling a popular girl everything on her mind, including the fact that you aren’t her best friend, just to increase her ‘popularity’.

right.
no one does that. okay? espeicallly if it involves a semi-ex that used you like they did. i really don’t care if she told me straight out ‘hey i like him a lot’ but twisting words and weaving tales to appease me and tell a quasi-truth is far from satisfactory. and not my best friend? ouch. go fall down a hole bitch. frame me three years ago for your own benefit, use me for schoolwork and climbing up the social ladder, then like a vulture swoop down to attack my leftover testosterone, and lie to me? please honey, did your mother teach you anything? are you that desperate? are you freaking cold-blooded?!

but really. in the end what does anything matter? so i sit alone on saturday afternoons listening to mellow jazz music drinking hazelnut coffee by the potful, but that ain’t so bad is it? to transition from one extreme of the world to the other, going from beloved and wanted to misunderstood and avoided, isn’t so bad. is it?
in the end what does it matter?

school will end in 169 days, these people will soon never be seen again within two years, and parents will be a nuisance of the past by senior year.
what really matters?
oh nothing really. besides the fact that this is only a taste of what the future will be like.

for the rest of your life.