i won’t start off by saying how much this retreat changed my life or how amazing of a three days it was; it was a jumpstart to change certain aspects of my life and definitely a very beneficial way to spend the weekend, but to say that my entire life is shaken upside down and that suddenly i’ll grow wings and become the most holy person on earth might be stretching it a bit. i hate speaking about myself or my life in public so i didn’t go up to testify, but i guess an online overview will have to do.
i didn’t want to go to retreat. i’d been convinced that church is full of hypocrites and that i could get nothing out of it besides a useful message or two by some pastor at some sermon, but i guess there’s a lot more to people and to this religion than i’d pushed myself to believe. going to liebenzell this weekend, my spiritual life was dented and my life as a whole was in shambles. i’d lost the ability to trust people, myself, or God and i was worn out from life in general. watching the clip of the passion of the christ five seconds after i woke up from my daze during service was shocking, to say the least, and i found myself and every other person there in hysterics. then i thought, hey if i’m crying so much because fake magenta colored blood is oozing out of mel gibson, could i possibly imagine what i’d feel if i could see the blood gush out of someone who specifically died for me, then turn my back on them as they did? starting off a retreat with an extremely graphic video clip and a short pastor from Louisiana that yelled his message at you until his face was purple and his veins shot out wasn’t exactly my idea of a nice transition from the worldly bubble into the spiritual bubble, but i have to say, the message actually prepared everyone for the days to come and allowed us to open up to what was being said. the second message once again taught me to forgive and reconciliate with family and other people that have hurt me, and taught me that i don’t need such things as ‘boys’ because i’m a princess and i don’t need them 
just kidding. but you get what i mean. in the course of three days outside ofthe sermons and workshops, i was able to rebuild a relationship that was broken and learn how to trust again. i don’t know where i’ll go from here, but like i said in small groups, i’m like a dog on a leash and God is my walker, so i’ll just have to follow where he leads me and stop chasing my own tail in circles so i’ll actually get somewhere. this retreat might not have produced as radical of effects as it has for others, but it’s a start, and for now, that’s probably all i need.
iLive, iLove, therefore iCare (:
*hope everyone that had some sort of accident/injury/illness during retreat is okay nowwww!
